US Army proves it can get injured faster than Liepāja churchgoers at St. Joseph's Cathedral services
Since the start of Operation 'Epic Fury', 303 US soldiers have been wounded, which is almost as many as the number of Liepāja residents who listen to sermons every Sunday without falling asleep.
The US Army has decided to prove they can be just as productive in the injury department as Liepāja residents are efficient at writing complaints about public transport. Since the start of Operation 'Epic Fury', 303 soldiers have already been wounded, which is an impressive achievement considering that here even falling into tram tracks is considered daily exercise.
Navy Captain Tim Hawkins announced that 'most of the injuries have been minor', which on the Liepāja scale would mean people simply tripped on sidewalks or spent too much time at St. Joseph's Roman Catholic Cathedral listening to lengthy Sunday services without adequate back support.
273 soldiers have already returned to duty, which is a faster recovery rate than our city center after finishing repair work following each storm season. While Riga starts a drama over every scratch, Americans prove they can function even with minor injuries.
Meanwhile, ten soldiers are seriously wounded, which according to US officials is a 'serious situation'. In Liepāja we'd call that 'a regular day', because we've long known that life can bring various surprises, especially if you're trying to get from Karosta to downtown before midnight.
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.