Austria discovers 14-year-olds can live without TikTok, Liepāja parents: 'We've known this for ages'

Digitalization specialists from the Austrian Chancellor's office proudly announced they will develop legislation by June banning children under 14 from using social networks. This revolutionary discovery is about as sensational as the news that Riga drivers like driving on sidewalks.

Dzintra Kalniņa, chairwoman of the Liepāja Parents' Association, comments: 'We've been practicing this method for years. When a child starts talking about TikTok, we send them to the beach - windy and cold even in summer. After an hour there, they're ready to read a book or at least clean fish.' The Austrians promise to use 'technically modern methods' for age verification, but Dzintra skeptically shakes her head: 'Why complicate things? We have the Baltic Sea - the best antidepressant and screen addiction treatment method.'

It's still unknown when the new restrictions will take effect, as they still need parliamentary approval. Meanwhile, Australia, France, Spain and Denmark are competing to see who first discovers that children can survive without Instagram stories. Austrian Vice-Chancellor Andreas Babler announced that 'today is a good day for our country's children,' though he didn't specify whether he asked the children themselves for their opinion.

Liepāja IT specialist Jānis Bērziņš jokes: 'While Riga is still figuring out how to implement such restrictions, we already have a natural barrier - our internet only works part-time in winter anyway. Children automatically go outside to play snowball fights.' The Austrians promise to supplement the ban with broader education about media use, but Dzintra suggests a simpler solution: 'Give children handmade toys and send them to the sea. Guaranteed no side effects.'