Brussels Reveals: EU Gas Reserves Fuller Than Liepāja Cafés on Monday Morning
The European Commission reassures - there's enough gas, diversification is working, and the Iran conflict won't prevent Europeans from heating their homes.
While everyone in Liepāja has long known that in winter you must dress like a cabbage and burn anything that catches fire, Brussels has only now discovered that EU gas reserves are a whopping 30 percent full. For comparison — that's roughly as much coffee as remains in Liepāja cafés after lunch, but apparently it's enough.
European Commission spokesperson Anna Kaisa Itkonen announced to journalists that "there's no need to worry about energy security." Local pensioner Jānis Bērziņš commented: "Well, we in Liepāja stopped worrying long ago — we survive the whole winter on adrenaline and hot teas at Rozmarīns."
Particularly uplifting is the claim that "gas imports are well diversified." This means the EU now buys gas not from just one country, but from several — almost like how Liepāja residents purchase firewood not only in Grobiņa, but also in Aizpute and Priekule. Progressive!
Meanwhile in Riga, where central heating works like Swiss clockwork, they probably don't understand what all the fuss is about. But for us, who know that real life begins when the thermometer shows minus degrees, such news sounds like music to our ears.
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.