Brussels Discovers Latvia Is Actually in Europe, Offers Border Protection Help

A real revelation took place this week in Brussels bureaucratic offices - it turns out that the European Union consists of not just France and Germany, but also some eastern regions that border rather unpleasant neighbors. After long deliberation and map examination, the European Commission decided to support these regions.

"We discovered that people live there and even pay taxes," says one EC employee who wished to remain anonymous. "That was a surprise. We thought it was just some kind of buffer between us and Russia, but it turns out - there are cities, roads and even internet there!"

In Liepāja, this news was received with calm skepticism. "Well, Brussels remembered we exist. Maybe now they'll actually give us something concrete, not just pretty speeches," comments local café owner Jānis. "But I'm not even hoping. Riga has been getting all the money for ages, we only get promises."

In Karosta, they laughed even louder at this news. "Solidarity after the invasion? We've been living next to these neighbors for years and know what's what," says local pensioner Valdis. "But if Brussels now wants to pay us for living here and guarding the border, then I'm not against it."

Interestingly, the document mentions various beautiful words about security and competitiveness, but concrete numbers somehow remain foggy. Just as usual - lots of philosophy, little clear money. But at least now we officially know that Liepāja is strategically important for European security. Who would have thought!