Brussels Unveils Revolutionary Idea: Money Can Be Given Quickly If There's a War
The European Commission surprises with a brilliant discovery - bureaucracy can be shortened if weapons are needed. In Liepāja they've long known that quick action happens when a fisherman says the fish was just caught.
The European Commission today announced a revolutionary discovery — turns out bureaucracy can be shortened from two years to four months! The only condition — the money must be intended for weapons. 115 million euros for defense startups through the 'Agile' instrument, which is obviously named after how quickly Brussels can move when there's a war.
As Commissioner Henna Virkkunen says: 'We want to create a culture of rapid action.' Excellent! Now we just have to wait for this culture to reach the pension system or healthcare. But no, there's no war there, so we can peacefully wait two years.
Fishermen in Liepāja port have known this principle for centuries — if a fish was just caught, it must be sold quickly. But if a bureaucrat says documents were just prepared, you'll wait until next season. In Riga, of course, they still think a fast process is when the tram only stops for five minutes.
What's most delightful is that Ukrainian companies can apply for money together with competitors from 27 EU countries. Because what could be better than people fighting for survival now being able to send applications to Brussels and hope that some commissioner will read them between coffee break and lunch time.
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.