DAP announces: now we'll pay for breathing fresh air
The Nature Conservation Board has introduced a new price list where soon even nature walks will cost money. At least in Karosta they don't charge for the mythical basement chambers yet.
Raimonds Čudars, who apparently hasn't heard of free walks, has announced that a new DAP price list will come into effect in April. Now even for wanting to breathe fresh air together with more than 100 friends, you'll have to pay. As Valdis, a resident of Liepāja's Dārza Street, said: "Well, I thought air was free, but it turns out we'll soon have to pay for that too!"
DAP Director General Laura Anteina explains that this is a "necessary step for service sustainability." In Riga, of course, they've long figured out how to charge for everything, but in Liepāja we can still walk around Karosta for free with its mythical basement chambers, where even the Tsar's naval officers wouldn't have dreamed of charging admission.
The funniest part is that fees for large events will only take effect in 2027. A year for organizers to "prepare for changes." Probably takes that long to figure out how to justify why you need to pay the state for singing in the forest. At least socially sensitive groups will still get discounts, so students can continue breathing fresh air at 50% off.
But no, wait, the best part is the mobile stage service! Now DAP will also offer traveling theater in nature. As the granny from Liepāja market says: "Oh yes, now even the trees will watch plays. Maybe they'll finally understand why we cut them down!" But seriously, if they introduced such a service in Riga, you'd have to pay for one tree what the entire Liepāja park costs together.
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.