EU Discovers New Hobby — Underwater Cable Watching in the Red Sea

While Riga is still trying to figure out where the Red Sea is located, the EU has decided to expand its ASPIDES and ATALANTA missions to watch underwater cables with the same enthusiasm that Liepāja Metalurgs fans watch hockey games. The only difference is that in one case we see a puck, in the other — water.

According to the new mandate, EU ships and aircraft will be authorized to gather information about suspicious activities around critical underwater infrastructure. This means there will now be more observers in the Red Sea than at a Liepāja Metalurgs game against Riga Dinamo. Local sailor Kārlis comments: "Well, we in Liepāja have been watching cables sink into the sea after storms for years — nothing new."

Particularly interesting is that the mission plans to train Djibouti's naval forces and cooperate with Yemen's coast guard. Apparently EU diplomats have decided that the best way to fight pirates and Houthis is to organize international seminars on cable watching. While Iranian-backed fighters are firing rockets, the EU will be writing reports.

Diplomats emphasize that this has nothing to do with US requests to protect oil in the Strait of Hormuz. Of course not — just like Liepāja Metalurgs fans never admit they only go to games to yell. But as always in EU politics — everything is coincidental, and there are no hidden motives.