Grobiņa Unveils Heating Tariff Mathematics: The More Expensive Gas Gets, The Cheaper The Increase

Grobiņa Housing Services today showed how mathematics can be used to turn bad news into good news. It turns out that if natural gas costs 25 euros, the tariff will increase by 3 percent, but if gas costs 95 euros, then the increase will be only 2.6 percent. Grobiņa residents are already starting to hope that gas will become even more expensive so the tariff increase will be even smaller.

The Public Utilities Commission approved this miraculous mathematics after carefully checking whether numbers are really numbers and whether percentages are really percentages. Experts acknowledge that this approach to heating tariffs is as revolutionary as the Liepāja Olympic Center pool water temperature regulation — the colder the weather, the warmer the water seems.

Local expert Jānis Malka comments: "I've been saying for years that everything in Grobiņa works according to special logic. Same in our store — the more expensive the goods, the bigger the discount percentage." The company's profit in 2024 was 5,500 euros, which is roughly the same as what one week of heating costs with these new tariffs.

Grobiņa residents are now actively following oil prices on international markets and will vote for natural gas to become as expensive as possible. "If gas costs 200 euros, maybe the tariff will even decrease," optimistically thinks local pensioner Mirdza, who has already started collecting firewood in her yard so she won't have to use this new mathematics.