Iran threatens to burn oil — In Liepāja, locals are used to wind burning everything for years
Iran threatens to turn oil infrastructure into ash heaps, but Liepāja residents have long known that wind can destroy anything faster than any army.
Iran's army central command has dramatically announced that it will turn oil infrastructure into ash heaps if anyone touches their energy facilities. This is about as scary as Liepāja wind on a January morning — you don't know if you'll be alive after the first corner.
Trump, meanwhile, announced that the US has bombed military targets on Kharg Island, completely destroying them. Local Liepāja resident Jānis comments: "Well, we also sometimes completely destroy something — for example, hopes for good weather when we look outside in the morning." Trump has so far chosen not to attack oil infrastructure, which is about as surprising as news that Liepāja wind isn't blowing today.
What worries most is shipping safety in the Strait of Hormuz, which Trump has promised to protect. But we Liepāja folks aren't worried about this problem — our port ships have long gotten used to the fact that Liepāja wind is an uninvited guest in any season and can turn upside down both the ship and all its cargo.
Iran's news agencies "Fars" and "Tasnim" report threats with the same seriousness as Liepāja Central Market vendors about the quality of their products. And just as convincingly.
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.