Iran threatens to blow up everything that smells like Americans — tourists peacefully swim at Liepāja beach

Iran's foreign minister Araghchi announced with great fanfare that they will blow up any energy facility even remotely connected to the US. This is about as terrifying as threats to close the last store in Liepāja where you can buy a decent pack of beer.

US President Trump, meanwhile, announced that all military targets in Iran have been destroyed, but oil facilities remain untouched. Such precision is as surprising as the fact that every Saturday on Liepāja beach you can find at least three people searching for their phones in the sand after yesterday's party.

Iran's military headquarters promised to turn everything that collaborated with Americans into ash. Local Liepāja pensioner Gunārs comments: "Just don't go after our Liepāja kiosk — they sell Coca-Cola there too!" Meanwhile, US bases near Dubai continue launching rockets that are as effective as trying to find a taxi in Liepāja on Friday night.

While the Middle East threatens an oil war, in Liepāja the only thing burning is beach bonfires, where local optimists still hope for a warm summer.