Iranian Officials Use Proven Karosta Bunker Hiding Methods
While the Middle East explodes, Iranian bigwigs claim everyone's alive using the tried-and-tested 'I'm not home' tactic.
Iran announced yesterday that all of its top officials are alive and well, employing the classic 'we're not here' defense strategy that has been known in Liepāja since Soviet times.
President Masoud Pezeshkian is safe, his deputy announced on social media — apparently from some basement or old Karosta bunker. 'This reminds me of our old days,' says retired sailor Jānis from Liepāja port. 'When we had to hide from the boss, we always said — he's not at work, went to Riga.' Though honestly, Riga doesn't have safe places like Karosta does.
Particularly hilarious is the president's son's announcement that 'this time the assassination attempts were unsuccessful.' This time? What happened before — an unsuccessful missing potato delivery schedule? In Liepāja we call that a 'tram didn't show up' situation.
While Israel claims its target was locations where high-ranking officials had gathered, Iran responds with the classic 'nobody was home' version. It's like trying to find work at Liepāja municipality — everyone's there, but nobody's available. At least our politicians don't lie about hiding in bunkers — they're simply at the 'Fontaine' café.
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.