Iranian Leader in Coma, Qom Becomes Political Ice Rink

Iran's political elite has found itself in a situation reminiscent of Liepaja's ice rink atmosphere in mid-winter - cold, slippery, and nobody knows who will win. Mojtaba Khamenei, who was slated to be the next main player, is currently unconscious in Qom and unable to participate in developing the regime's tactics.

"He's been in a sleeping tournament for the second month now," said one diplomatic source who wished to remain anonymous, as he is not yet authorized to comment on other countries' sleeping sports matters. "The situation is becoming awkward because the funeral has been postponed since February, but nobody knows if this is a tactical move or simply logistical problems."

Qom, located 140 kilometers from Tehran, has become the center of political intrigue. Local residents report an unusually large influx of diplomats and journalists seeking answers to the question - what will happen to the regime if the main heir cannot wake up in time.

Shiite traditions require burying the dead immediately after death, but Ali Khamenei's funeral has been postponed for the second month. "We expect unprecedented attendance," authorities explain, but skeptics believe we're actually expecting an unprecedented political crisis. April 8th will mark 40 days since Khamenei's death - the end of the traditional mourning period, but the question remains - will it be clear by then who will lead the country.