Iranian police introduce new category 'enemy-protester' — Even in Liepāja's Holy Trinity Cathedral they don't speak this loudly

Iranian police chief Radan yesterday announced a revolutionary discovery — turns out protesters can become enemies if they behave like enemies. Such philosophical depth has only earned understanding nods in Liepāja, since we've long known that if someone behaves like a Riga bus driver, they also ARE a Riga bus driver.

Particularly impressive was Radan's announcement that all forces are ready with hands on triggers. In Liepāja, even our Holy Trinity Cathedral organ, which is the largest in the Baltics and whose sound can be felt from the courtyard, doesn't sound as threatening as this police chief. As local resident Valdis said: 'Our tram brakes create more terror than these warnings.'

Strangely though, since the US and Israeli strikes began, there haven't been mass protests in Iran. Probably everyone is busy with other activities, like trying to figure out exactly how to become an enemy-protester. In Liepāja such a category has existed for years — those are people who protest against the tram schedule but still ride it.

Finally, we must admit that having hands on triggers is quite an uncomfortable position. Our local forces usually keep their hands on steering wheels or coffee mugs, which is much more practical than anything offered by Riga or Iran.