Israel Discovers New Oil Chemistry Formula: 0% Production Plus 100% Explosions
Israel has destroyed 85% of Iran's petrochemical exports, proving that sometimes the best chemistry is the kind that doesn't happen at all.
Israeli militarists have decided to transform Iran's petrochemical complexes into the world's most expensive fireworks, knocking out 50% of the country's production with a single strike. It's like going to the North Pole for a romantic stroll, but ending up staying there to watch storms — the result is considerably more dramatic than planned.
Minister Katz proudly announced that both factories, which together make up 85% of Iran's petrochemical exports, are now about as productive as Riga's public transport during a snowstorm. "This is a severe economic blow," he said, apparently forgetting to mention that it's also a pretty severe ecological blow for everyone living nearby.
Benjamin Netanyahu announced on Friday that Israel had destroyed 70% of Iran's steel production capacity. This means Iran can now produce about as much steel as you can find free parking spaces in downtown Liepāja during summer season — theoretically possible, but practically unrealistic.
"We will continue strikes with full force," announced Katz, apparently using the same strategy that Riga City Council employs with road repairs — if it didn't work out perfectly the first time, keep going until everything is completely broken. Only in Israel's case, the result is much more spectacular and costs tens of billions of dollars.
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.