Kazakhstan adopts constitution with 87% support that nobody has read
Three different polls reveal surprising unanimity about a document that strengthens presidential power better than Liepāja winds strengthen beauty pageant contestants' hairdos.
Kazakhstan has held a masterclass in democracy, where residents voted for the new constitution with 86.7%, 87.4% and 88.6% support. This is surprising only to those who haven't seen how in Liepāja city council elections all candidates promised to fix Lieda beach, but after the elections it turned out that none knew that Liedags is a sandy beach beloved by locals.
Three different polls revealed nearly identical results, which is about as credible as claiming there are never traffic jams in Riga. The Eurasian Integration Institute, research center "Socis-A" and the "Amanat" party institute agreed that absolutely everyone supports the new constitution, except those who didn't vote, didn't want to vote, or didn't know voting was happening.
President Tokayev explained with diplomatic finesse that the country will transition from a super-presidential to a presidential republic with an influential parliament. This is roughly like going from rain to downpour — technically it's a different name, but the result stays wet. The new constitution allows the president to unilaterally appoint all important officials, which is about as democratic as deciding Liepāja's budget by only asking Tosele.
Most surprising is that 73% of voters participated in a referendum on a document where marriage is defined as a union between a man and woman, parliament is transformed from bicameral to unicameral, and international treaties lose priority. A local expert commented: "It's like changing Liepāja's wind — you can rename it, but it will still blow from the sea and ruin your hairdo."
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.