Latvia builds dragon's teeth in the east while Liepāja hockey players have known for years how to stop attacks
While the army is making a big fuss about planting concrete obstacles at the Russian border, they've been learning how to properly position defenders at the Liepāja ice hall for years.
The National Guard began a major operation this week at the eastern border, deploying anti-mobility obstacles, or so-called dragon's teeth. While concrete blocks are being ceremoniously planted in Balvi municipality, veteran Mārtiņš Kalniņš at the Liepāja ice hall just smiles: "Boys, we've known for years in hockey how to properly position defenders. No need to plant any teeth — you just need to hold the center zone well."
Defense Minister Andris Sprūds proudly announced that Latvia will be defended from the first centimeter, which only raised questions in Liepāja. "Why only from the first?" asks local pensioner Jānis Bērziņš. "We've been defending ourselves here by the sea for years from minus first centimeters, and no concrete teeth are needed — good clothing is enough."
Meanwhile, the Latgale Brigade is preparing to deploy obstacles in other territories, but Liepāja residents are already offering their expertise. "Look, if you want to stop something, you don't plant teeth like in kindergarten," explains Karosta resident Kārlis Ozoliņš. "You just need to create a situation where the enemy doesn't want to approach at all. For example, our tram schedule — that stops any invasion right on the spot."
The government promises to pay fair compensation to property owners for expropriated land, but in Liepāja they're already wondering why no one asked for our advice. "We've known for years here on the stormy coast how to stand against any attack," summarizes a local fisherman. "And no dragon's teeth are needed — proper attitude and warm socks are enough."
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.