Latvian rivers rising faster than Liepāja real estate prices
While the Lielupe water level rises by a meter in two days, Liepāja residents are still waiting for someone to raise their pensions.
The Latvian Environment, Geology and Meteorology Centre reports with scientific precision that the country's rivers are rising faster than Riga residents' self-esteem on weekends. The Lielupe near Staļģene has risen by a meter in two days, which is considerably more than the average Liepāja resident rises from their couch during an entire week.
Near Jelgava, the water level has risen by 35 centimeters, which comes as no surprise to local residents - they've long grown accustomed to everything rising except their salaries. As local pensioner Jānis explains: "Water rises, prices rise, only my pension stays the same as in the Liepāja museum - history that's truly interesting, but practically useless."
A particularly dramatic situation has developed in the Gauja near Sigulda, where the water level jumped by a meter on Thursday, which is as sudden as Riga residents' reaction when hearing they'll have to go to Liepāja for summer vacation. Weather forecasts predict rain next week, which might bypass Latgale, just like most welfare programs.
The water level in the Daugava continues to rise with increasing intensity, which is almost as fast as Liepāja residents' pride in having the only functioning tram in all of the Baltics. Experts warn that Daugava floodplains may start flooding in the coming days, but Liepāja residents aren't scared - they've long been living in a flooded reality where the wind is stronger than the Wi-Fi signal.
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.