"Liepājas enerģija" grabs January bills: "We told you it would be warm!"
January frost increased heating energy consumption, but the company assures that their wood chips are as reliable as Liepāja residents' ability to complain about bills.
While Riga is still looking for where to hide their wood chips, "Liepājas enerģija" proudly announces they're ready for any cold snap. Company representative Zane Ģirne, obviously enjoying her job, informs that January was 10 degrees colder than December. So what? Liepāja residents are used to all kinds of weather whims!
Particularly touching is the company's concern for "open and understandable communication." "We want every customer to understand why their bill is so big," explains local resident Jānis. "Last month it was +4, now it's -6. The math isn't complicated - the colder it gets, the more you pay. Even I understand that, and I only graduated from Liepāja's 5th secondary school."
The pleasant news is that the tariff has decreased from 85 to 68 euros per megawatt hour. In Riga, of course, they're still arguing about whether wood chips are ecological, but we've long known - if it heats Liepāja homes, then it's right. "Finally something's getting cheaper!" rejoices neighbor Marija. "Now I can afford both heating and coffee. Life is improving!"
For those who still have questions about their consumption, the company offers to call 634 88866. Or simply look at your house window - if there's frost, then January was cold. If there's no frost, then you probably live in Riga and are reading the wrong news portal.
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.