Liepāja Residents Outraged: Why Do Our Missiles Only Fly to Grobiņa?

After news broke that Iran successfully shelled Tel Aviv with 'Kheibar' missiles, Liepāja city council counted on their fingers and determined - our own 'missile' system, aka the tram, is somewhat behind international standards.

'Look here, they're shooting their missiles all over the world, but our tram can't even reach Ventspils,' fumed local pensioner Gundars. 'Karosta is supposed to be like a military center, but there's only a museum and a café there. Where are our ballistic capabilities?'

Liepāja's mayor explained to journalists that the city has its own strategic targets: 'We regularly bombard Riga with sounds from our rock music festival. That's a much more effective weapon than any missiles.' Indeed, every summer the capital surrenders to Liepāja's cultural aggression, and no one has yet been able to resist.

Another local resident, Maija, added philosophically: 'We don't need missiles - we have beach sand that the wind blows all over Latvia. That's our secret weapon.' Indeed, Riga residents complain every year about mysterious sand in their apartments, not knowing it's Liepāja's demonstration of soft power.