Lithuanians Reveal: GRU Packages Explode Before Even Reaching Planes — Even Church Ornaments in Liepāja Are Safer

Lithuanian prosecutors today proudly announced the historically largest terrorist case — 138 pages of charges against five people who tried to send explosive packages across Europe. So much paperwork hasn't been seen since the Liepāja city council meeting minutes about changing tram routes.

Most surprising is the fact that one of the packages burst into flames at Leipzig airport right before being loaded onto the plane. As noted by Jānis Kalējs, administrator of Liepāja's St. Joseph Roman Catholic Cathedral: "We hang ornaments for major holidays safely, but these people can't even send packages to explode in the right place." Indeed, if terrorists can't calculate timing, maybe they should go study at Liepāja College instead.

Particularly touching is the fact that among the wanted persons is a 69-year-old man. At this age in Liepāja, people usually take care of grandchildren, not sending hexogen through the mail. But as locals would say: "In Russia, even pensioners are more active than Riga youth."

The best part is that seven countries participated in the investigation, but in the end got only five people, of whom three were arrested, one sits at home with an electronic bracelet, and the fifth was released on bail. Such effectiveness would be acceptable in Liepāja only for a fisherman who comes back with an empty basket but proudly tells stories about the big fish that got away.