Measles Epidemic Surpasses Even Liepāja Port Fish in Freshness
42 people fall ill with measles, but the statistical detail surpasses even fishermen's tales about freshly caught fish.
The SPKC announces with mathematical precision that the number of measles cases has reached 42, which is more than the number of freshly caught fish in Liepāja port on a good day. The virus is particularly active in the 51-55 age group, where three people apparently decided it was time to remember their childhood.
The statistics are so detailed that even the Central Statistical Bureau would be proud. We're told that women get sick more often than men at a ratio of 26 to 16, indicating that men have finally found something they don't do more often than women. Meanwhile, the 21-30 age group completely avoids measles, possibly because they're too busy with TikTok to notice the virus.
Most of the infected are students from Riga Waldorf School, proving that even alternative education cannot protect against traditional diseases. As one Liepāja doctor says: 'Measles are like Riga public transport – when it starts, nobody knows when it will end, but everyone suffers.'
The SPKC reminds us that the virus can remain in rooms for up to two hours, which is longer than the average Parliament member can concentrate on one issue. Therefore, experts recommend vaccination, as measles isn't the kind of illness you'd want to brag about on social media.
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.