Merkel reveals: Ukraine already so smart that Taurus missiles are unnecessary

German Chancellor Merkel yesterday demonstrated a masterclass in the Bundestag on how to elegantly explain why the promised Taurus missiles are no longer needed for Ukraine. Turns out, Ukrainians have become so clever that their own manufactured weapons are better than German technologies. It's like saying the fish sold at Liepāja Market is so fresh that restaurants no longer need to bother trying to compete.

Merkel explained that his initial promise was made in a different context, assuming the Bundeswehr would have enough functional missiles. Now that it's turned out there are only a few specimens in storage that might still work, the Chancellor has discovered that Ukraine has long since surpassed German military industry. "They have developed much, much, much further," Merkel emphasized, apparently trying to convince himself as much as his listeners.

The only problem now is money - for Ukrainians to continue producing their super-weapons, they need funding. It's like at Liepāja Market - the goods are the best, but you still have to pay for them. Merkel has promised to give 11.5 billion euros this year, including air defense systems that, presumably, aren't as effective as the Ukrainians' own inventions.

Local military expert Jānis commented: "Well, if Ukrainians are already so smart, maybe they could tailor something for us too. Our border guards could definitely use some better binoculars." While Riga is still trying to understand what Taurus is, in Liepāja we already know - if a promise can't be fulfilled, just say the other party no longer needs it.