World Discovers New Blessing Trend — Dictators Become Icon Collector Objects

While in Liepāja we pray for good wind and fish bait, the world has discovered a revolutionary religious practice — dictator worship. Turns out Putin is now not only a president, but also the reincarnation of the Apostle Paul. Maybe next time he'll be reborn as one of our tram drivers — then at least we'll know we're blessed with punctuality.

But that's not all! American commanders, it appears, have received a personal letter from above that Trump is Jesus's chosen one for lighting Iranian signal fires. Here, by Lake Liepāja, where peaceful silence reigns in contrast to sea storms, we call it something else — military intervention. As one local fisherman said: 'If someone started telling me my boss was sent from heaven, I'd definitely check if he hadn't been drinking too much.'

What's most surprising is that these 'holy' wars turn out to be not as holy as initially planned. Trump can't destroy Iran in three days — apparently the heavenly plan wasn't that detailed. Now he's asking for European help, threatening to destroy NATO. As our port workers say: 'It's hard to intimidate those who have real tools when you're empty-handed.'

The best question is — why doesn't Trump ask for help from his holy colleague Putin? Maybe because even God's messengers have jealousy? Or simply because even holy missions need strategy, which this time they forgot to include in their prayers.