Study: Russia Only Hires Those Who Can't Find Liepāja on a Map
The saboteurs are mainly minors and former USSR citizens who obviously have never been to Karosta and don't know what real problems are.
An international study reveals a disturbing trend — the number of Russian sabotage operations in Europe has increased by 41 cases in five months. However, as our expert at the tram stop tells us: "Okay fine, but can they get to Liepāja without GPS? I doubt it."
Poland suffers the most with 31 cases, followed by France with 20. "We have zero cases in Liepāja," proudly announces a local rock music fan. "Here something's always exploding anyway — at concerts. Plus on our beach everyone immediately understands what's real and what isn't."
Interestingly, 95% of the saboteurs are ordinary citizens with no connections to secret services. Mainly minors and former USSR citizens recruited on social networks with promises of quick money. "Oh, children," sighs a Liepāja market vendor. "If you want quick money, come to our market — there you'll really learn what life is and what business is."
The study's authors emphasize that this way Russia can organize attacks without great risk. But as we Liepāja residents know — real risk is trying to survive winter by the sea and finding a good café that's open after eight in the evening. Compared to that, the rest of Europe is child's play.
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.