President Proposes Switch to Stone Age Technology — Count Votes with Fingers

State President Edgars Rinkēvičs, having familiarized himself with news about 1.5 million euro IT procurement corruption, has concluded that the best technology for elections is the same one humanity has managed with for thousands of years — fingers. While Riga thinks the problem can be solved with even more committees and commissions, the president proposes a revolutionary solution: return to hands.

The Liepāja Museum, which contains history that's actually interesting, has long used manual counting for research purposes — they calculate visitor numbers using ancestral methods, and there have never been problems. Local museum employee Vilnis comments: "We've always known here that manual work is more reliable than any computer. What could be safer than five fingers and a sound mind?"

Meanwhile, Riga IT specialists are starting to panic, as their expensive systems, paid for with millions, turn out to be as reliable as weather forecasts in Latvia. The 21 detained individuals apparently thought state IT procurements are like a lottery — except here you can win with the right contacts, not the right solution.

Maybe it really is time to return to basic principles. After all, if Liepāja can survive without Riga's help, then votes could also be counted without computers. The only question is — will the Central Election Commission have enough fingers to count all the votes by 2027.