Priekule Starts Treating Patients with Non-Russian Equipment — Locals Shocked
Priekule hospital has acquired new physiotherapy equipment that wasn't made in Russia. Local residents are already starting to look for other ways to justify their aches and pains.
Priekule received news this week that will shake the entire region's healthcare world — the local hospital has acquired physiotherapy equipment that wasn't made in Russia. Chief physician Tatjana Ešenvalde explains that the changes were inevitable: "Starting this year, we can no longer use medical equipment manufactured in Russia, but practically all of our physical therapy equipment was from Russia." This is almost like telling people in Liepāja they can't go to the beach when the Baltic Sea is windy and cold even in summer — theoretically understandable, but practically terrifying.
New physiotherapist Agate Jerika will start seeing patients from early April, promising quality and regular service. "Until now, a physiotherapist was only available sporadically — once a week or even less frequently," admits the doctor. This means local residents can no longer claim that their back pain can only be treated with good old Soviet methods.
The services will be fee-based, as the doctor will work privately. Local pensioner Jānis comments: "Well look, now we have to pay extra because the equipment isn't Russian. But at least we know the massage will come with a warranty and instructions in Latvian." The hospital will also offer taping, which, according to medical specialists, is much more effective than the traditional method of "I'll endure it and it'll pass."
While private clinics in Riga charge as much as a new car for similar services, Priekule hasn't announced prices yet. But as the locals say: "If the equipment isn't from Russia, then the prices probably won't be Russian either."
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.