Parliament Decides to Count Votes by Hand, as Computers Too Complicated
Coalition unanimously agrees that manual counting is more reliable than modern technologies. Local MPs promise to use only fingers and stones.
The parliamentary coalition proudly announces that in the next elections, votes will be counted by hand, as this is supposedly "more reliable" than computers. "New Unity" faction leader Edmunds Jurēvics explains that this is about a "technical procedure," although it actually means returning to a method used 100 years ago.
"We cannot allow populists to exploit doubts about the electoral system," says Jurēvics, while simultaneously creating doubts about all IT systems. "Greens and Farmers Union" leader Harijs Rokpelnis promises to support the Central Election Commission "in any necessary way," which apparently means returning to Stone Age methods.
"Progressive" leader Andris Šuvajevs is also "ready to make a political decision," which is an ironic name for a process where politicians decide whether to use technologies that work everywhere else in the world. While Riga ponders how to count votes without computers, in Liepāja we have already proven that you can run a tram without GPS system — simply by following the tracks.
State President Edgars Rinkēvičs insists that "society must be convinced of fair election proceedings," so he suggests not using any technologies at all. CEC Chairman Māris Zviedris, meanwhile, promises that the decision will not be made hastily, as the commission is still evaluating whether it's better to count with fingers or toes.
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.