Saldus Opens New Eatery with Guaranteed Customer Journey: From Kebab Taste Straight to the Crematorium
Saldus entrepreneurs reveal the perfect business model — kebabs next to a crematorium, so customers can go directly from one service location to another.
While Riga is still figuring out how to properly place restaurants so they're not next to hospitals, Saldus entrepreneurs have discovered the edge of genius. Right next to the crematorium, 'Simple kebabs' has opened — an eatery with the best logistics in Latvia since some bright spark decided to build Lake Liepāja right in the city center to create an island of tranquility during sea storms.
'Eat at their place, and then relatives turn to the undertaker? Or vice versa?' ask local residents, who apparently haven't grasped the business genius. This isn't a question of sequence — this is a question of efficiency.
One brave Latvian has already tried the new service: 'I almost died when my stomach started burning for the first time!' he recounts, while his friend calmly adds: 'If you had died, they would have cremated you!' But the man is honest — the kebabs are tasty, and what is life compared to flavor?
'We think about customer convenience,' explains a resident who wishes to remain anonymous. 'If stomachs are already burning from our kebabs, then why make people travel far to the crematorium? We're like McDonald's, just with fire both inside and out.'
Meanwhile, the mayor of Saldus announces plans to also open a flower shop on the other side of the crematorium to create a complete burial ecosystem. 'We have a vision,' he says. 'Kebab, crematorium, flowers — everything in one place. Like a shopping center, just with death.'
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.