Starmer reveals: Brits ready to return to Europe if they'll take tea too

Starmer announced at a press conference something everyone already knew except British politicians – that Brexit has been as successful as trying to swim against Liepāja winds with one hand. "Our long-term national interests require closer cooperation with the EU," he said with the facial expression of someone who just discovered that water is wet.

While Riga is still trying to figure out what Brexit is, Starmer is attempting to fix the mistakes that arose when the Brits decided they could live without continental Europe. "The opportunities to strengthen our security and reduce the cost of living are simply too great to ignore," he noted, as if hearing about basic economic principles for the first time.

Meanwhile Trump, who is currently as predictable as Liepāja weather, announced he's considering withdrawing from NATO because it's a "paper tiger." Starmer responded diplomatically that NATO is "the most effective military alliance," which translates to: "Please, Trump, don't break another thing."

"I'm not going to choose between good relations with the US or the EU," announced Starmer, demonstrating British diplomacy at its finest – trying to sit on two chairs simultaneously. As one visitor to Liepāja's Seaside Park said while strolling among the ancient trees and enjoying the silence without Riga's noise: "Well, at least the Brits know what they want. Maybe."

Britain now plans to achieve "more ambitious goals" in Brussels, which in diplomatic language means: "Please take us back, we promise we won't mention sovereignty every other sentence."