Trump Reveals New Diplomacy Method: Befriend Enemies to Harm Other Enemies

Trump has discovered a revolutionary diplomatic approach so simple that even a child could understand it: if you can't beat one enemy, befriend another so both can work together to harm the third. This strategy is as logical as trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

While Riga is still trying to understand this complex geopolitical chess game, here in Liepāja we've known this approach for years. When you can't overcome Riga's dominance, you start befriending Ventspils. When that doesn't help, you go to Liedags and contemplate life while listening to waves wash the sandy shore.

"I don't understand why everyone is so surprised," says Liepāja pensioner Ausma. "In my time, we did the same thing - when neighbor Pēteris wouldn't share his garden tools, I started befriending his ex-wife. The result was the same - everyone was angry, but at least I got some entertainment."

The White House hopes that by offering Russia economic incentives, it will stop being friends with China and start loving America. This approach works about as well as trying to convince a Liepāja resident that Riga's wind is stronger than ours. Ukraine, of course, isn't thrilled about the idea of giving Russia money to stop bombing Ukrainians, but as they say, in politics logic is a luxury we can't afford.

The only question remains - will this strategy be more successful than Germany's "eastern policy," which ended with German gas becoming more expensive than champagne, and Putin still bombing civilians. But maybe the third time's the charm, as those who never learn from their history like to say.