Trump Reveals New Mathematical Approach: To Win, First Check if Opponent Actually Exists
While Riga is still learning to count votes without a calculator, the US President offers a revolutionary solution — simply don't let those who might vote incorrectly cast their ballots.
US President Trump has unveiled a new approach to democracy that is as revolutionary as regulating the water temperature at Liepāja Olympic Center's pool — first you must check if the swimmer is even eligible to swim, then check if they know how to swim, and only then allow them to enter the water.
The essence of the new directive is simple — to increase election reliability, you need to ensure that only those who would vote correctly get to vote. Trump has ordered the creation of nationwide voter rolls that will be as accurate as Liepāja's public transport schedules in winter — if someone isn't on the list, they obviously don't exist.
Particularly interesting are the rules about mail-in voting. Ballots will now be marked with special identifiers and barcodes, as if they were Amazon deliveries. As one local expert put it: "Now even voting will become a scientific process — first you have to prove you're alive, then prove you're a citizen, and only then prove you actually know where the polling station is."
Several states have already announced they will go to court, which is as predictable as wind blowing in Liepāja. Oregon, which has been voting by mail only for thirty years, is particularly outraged — they claim their system works better than any other. But Trump apparently believes that if something works too well, it's definitely suspicious.
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.