Trump Reveals NATO Secret: Alliance Won't Help in Wars with Countries the US Isn't at War With

From Miami, where even the gray clouds look sunnier than a Riga winter, Trump announced a revolutionary revelation: NATO allies refuse to help in a war with Iran. The only problem — no such war exists.

"We would have always been there for them, but now, given their behavior, I don't think we should be, do we?" said Trump, apparently forgetting that it was his behavior that shattered relations with allies faster than the Karosta canal bridge divides Liepāja in two.

Trump sharply criticized the alliance for not supporting the US in a war with Iran that exists only in his imagination and Twitter archive posts. "The huge mistake was that NATO simply wasn't there," he said, apparently expecting allies to show up with popcorn to watch him threaten to press the nuclear button.

"Why should we be there for them if they're not there for us?" asked Trump, who seemingly hasn't grasped that friendship doesn't work on the principle of "I hit you, you help me." As one Liepāja resident commented: "Even our canal bridge, which creates drama every time it opens, is a more reliable partner than this American."

The US administration has accused NATO allies of inaction for refusing to get involved in conflicts that exist only in Trump's head. It's like asking the Liepāja tram to reach Mars — technically possible, but absurd in practical reality.