Trump fires minister faster than Liepāja tram turns at Central Market
US President Trump has replaced Homeland Security Secretary Noem, offering her a new position with a title that sounds like a Karosta guard service motto.
While Riga politicians are still just thinking about how to properly leave office, US President Trump is already demonstrating that ministerial reshuffles can be as smooth as riding the Liepāja tram - one day you're in one place, the next you're somewhere completely different.
Noem, who until now was responsible for US homeland security, will now become "America's Shield" - a position that sounds as mysterious as a Karosta guard service motto. "America's Shield" certainly sounds much more impressive than our "Liepāja tram ticket control," but in principle the functions are probably similar.
"She has achieved many impressive results, especially at the border," said Trump, which suggests that border guards there work as efficiently as our controllers, who can catch fare dodgers even when the tram is standing still.
Local Karosta resident Gunārs comments: "Well look at how they do it there in America - one day you're a minister, the next you're some special envoy. It doesn't happen like that here - if you're a tram controller, then you're one for life."
The new minister Markwayne Mullin, who is a Republican senator, is probably already preparing his first speech about border protection. Hopefully he'll last longer than the average Liepāja market vendor before retirement age.
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.