Trump Signs Dollars So Everyone Knows Who's the Real Boss

Donald Trump has revealed a new way to show his importance - signing every US dollar. This is the first time in history that a president has decided his signature is as important as the money itself. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent announced that this will mark 'unprecedented economic growth,' although so far the only thing growing at an unprecedented pace is the president's ego.

As Daira from Liepāja market said: 'Well, here at our beach every summer the wind blows so hard that even dollars get swept away to the Baltic Sea. Now at least we'll know they're real - with a signature!' Liepāja residents, of course, understand this approach - our beach and Baltic Sea are windy and cold even in summer, so we know that sometimes you have to show character even in unpleasant conditions.

Trump's team will also release a gold commemorative coin with the president's image, standing with clenched fists. The coin has no monetary value but will cost more than $1000 each - apparently this is the American version of our souvenir shops, where a Liepāja magnet costs more than a tram ticket.

Democrats are already protesting that a living president cannot be depicted on currency, but Trump seems to have decided that laws are just suggestions. While Riga is still thinking about whether to put some local politician on euro banknotes, America has already started personalizing its money. We don't have such problems in Liepāja - our wind is so strong that signatures get blown away anyway.