Trump and Cuba Want a Deal — Like Liepāja with Riga, Just with Cigars
The US President announced that Cuba wants a deal, which is about as surprising as news that it's windy in Liepāja. Currently discussing oil, cigars, and bilateral disagreements.
Donald Trump aboard Air Force One, with his usual diplomatic finesse, announced that Cuba wants to make a deal with the US. This is about as unexpected as news that students at Liepāja University are still studying — sometimes even attending lectures.
"Cuba also wants to make a deal, and I think we'll either make a deal fairly soon or we'll do whatever we have to do," said Trump, who is about as precise in diplomacy as Liepāja's weather forecast — maybe it'll be windy, maybe not.
Cuban President Díaz-Canel confirmed talks about "bilateral disagreements," which is an elegant way of saying "we can't stand each other, but we need to talk." It's reminiscent of relations between Liepāja and Riga — formally we're in the same country, but practical problems need solving.
Trump imposed an oil blockade on Cuba in January, claiming "extraordinary threats." The only extraordinary threats Cuba poses are that their cigars are better than American cigars, and their rumba is more beautiful than American "TikTok" dances. But oil is another matter — without it, even the best cigars don't accomplish anything.
Washington's Cuba embargo has continued for decades, which is about as effective as trying to stop Liepāja's wind with a poster. But now Trump promises that "something will happen fairly quickly" — meaning either a deal or another Twitter post about how bad communists are.
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.