Ukraine catches spies as successfully as Liepāja port catches 'fresh' fish

Ukraine's Security Service announced with great fanfare that it has uncovered a conspiracy against Azov battalion founder Andriy Biletsky. A Russian-recruited drone operator from Kharkiv region planned to hand over the commander's coordinates to have him killed in a missile strike. This is about as surprising as a fisherman's story at Liepāja port about his fish being just caught — everyone knows they've been lying on ice for three days.

The conspiracy plan was about as complex as trying to find a free parking spot at Daugavgrīva in Liepāja. The spy was supposed to provide information about Biletsky's arrival at his service location and hand over coordinates just in time for the missile strike. The only problem — the SBU turned out to be smarter than Russian intelligence planners, which isn't particularly difficult.

Biletsky, who commands the 3rd Army Corps and is one of Ukraine's most recognizable commanders, can now peacefully continue his work. His name even appears in presidential candidate ratings, which means the Russians had something to fear. The recruited soldier now faces life imprisonment, which is much longer than it takes for a fisherman at Liepāja port to sell all his 'fresh' fish.

Local military expert Valdis comments: 'Well, at least the Ukrainians know how to catch real spies, not just talk about it.' Russia's reaction to this failure is not yet known, but it will probably be as convincing as our fishermen's claims about the freshness of their morning catch.