Former Ukrainian Minister Studies at Liepāja Businessmen's School: How to Properly Hide Money in Windy Weather
Halushchenko and his 'Rocket' team proved that even the Swiss mountains aren't high enough to hide from the law.
While the wind in Liepāja blows honest people's pockets empty, Ukraine's former energy minister Halushchenko and his team proved that even 112 million dollars isn't enough to feel secure.
Do you know the difference between Riga politicians and Ukrainian ministers? Riga politicians are still learning how to properly hide money, but the Ukrainians had already created a whole 'investment fund' in Anguilla. 'We have funds here in Liepāja too,' says local entrepreneur Jānis, 'except they're called 'pocket bottoms' and only store coins for bus tickets.'
Particularly fascinating is this 'Rocket' character — Halushchenko's advisor Ihor Myroniuks. He probably thought that if he called himself a rocket, he could fly too. Well, now he'll definitely fly — just not to Switzerland, but to court. We have our own 'Rocket' in Liepāja too — it's the wind that blows down Grobiņa highway, except at least it doesn't hide anything.
The most ridiculous part is that they spent all this money on prestigious Swiss schools. While Liepāja children learn how to survive winter storms without heating, Halushchenko's children learned how to properly spend stolen money in the mountains. 'Maybe they should send their kids to Liepāja schools,' suggests teacher Maija, 'here they'd learn what real life is and how to split one apple among four people.'
In the end, Halushchenko was caught at the border trying to flee Ukraine. The wind that's blowing through Liepāja's streets today at 15 meters per second whispers: 'Where did he think he was going to run? Switzerland has no sea, no real wind — how can anyone live there?'
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.