Germany Explains That the Strait of Hormuz Isn't Their Problem — Just Like St. Joseph's Cathedral Vestments Aren't Meant for Daily Chores

German government press secretary Stefan Cornelius, with the same solemnity used when removing vestments at St. Joseph's Roman Catholic Cathedral only for major holidays, announced that NATO is an alliance for territorial defense, not for liberating maritime straits. This is as logical as claiming that Liepāja's tram isn't meant for traveling to Ventspils.

Trump, meanwhile, with enthusiasm that only surpasses Liepāja residents' joy at the first sunny day in March, is calling on all world nations to help liberate the Strait of Hormuz. His list includes South Korea, France, and even China — apparently hoping that one of them will find time between their own problems.

"What does Donald Trump expect from a handful of European frigates in the Strait of Hormuz that the mighty US fleet can't handle on its own?" asks German Defense Minister Pistorius. This is as valid a question as "why should I help my neighbor carry home a washing machine if he has a truck?"

Germany promises to support diplomatic efforts, which is as concrete as Liepāja weather forecasts — theoretically possible, but of questionable practical value. Local commentator Valdis from Old Liepāja notes: "If we had a strait, we'd solve it with coffee and conversations, not frigates."

Meanwhile, the Strait of Hormuz remains closed, NATO discusses its mandates, and the only thing working without problems is Berlin's diplomatic machinery, which produces explanations faster than Liepāja's wind blows sand.