Valainis Considers Fuel Price Reduction — Karosta Already Preparing Reserve Tanks in Tsarist-Era Traditions
While the minister ponders excise tax cuts for fuel, in Liepāja we've long known that the best fuel is the kind you don't have to buy.
Economy Minister Valainis today admitted the possibility of reducing excise tax on fuel if prices continue to rise like Liepāja's November wind — relentlessly and without mercy. The minister believes such a solution would be more effective than price ceilings introduced by Hungary and Croatia, but which would only cause fits of laughter in Liepāja — we've known for years that the best way to control fuel prices is to ride bicycles through Karosta's basements.
Valainis explains that fuel prices change faster than seaside weather — yesterday oil cost over $100 per barrel, this morning already $88. This doesn't surprise anyone in Liepāja though, as we're used to everything changing rapidly, except our love for the city and the mysteries of Karosta's tsarist-era cellars, which remain as unchanging as rock.
The ministry plans to meet with fuel retailers on Thursday to discuss price formation. As one Karosta resident said: "Let them meet all they want — meanwhile we'll find another underground tunnel system, which is far more useful than these talks." Meanwhile, the Competition Council is assessing the market situation, which is almost as complicated as understanding the underground communication scheme of the tsarist naval base.
But what's truly ridiculous is that prices rise faster than they fall. As one Liepāja driver observed: "Fuel prices climb like stairs, but fall like a broken elevator — very slowly and with many stops." While the minister thinks about reducing excise tax, we in Liepāja continue using our best means of transport — feet and bicycles, which have never required excise tax or price ceilings.
⚠️ Satirical article. Facts are preserved, but the presentation is humorous. For accurate information, please refer to the original source.