VDD Reassures: The Only Terror in Liepāja is the Tram Schedule

The State Security Service has officially announced that the terrorism threat level in Latvia is as low as a Liepāja tram's speed at a pedestrian crossing. "We constantly monitor the information space," explains a VDD representative, "but mainly we keep track of whether anyone writes that Karosta Prison is better than Riga Central Prison."

Meanwhile, local residents receive this news with calm skepticism. "Well yes, of course there's no terrorism," says Ausma, a vendor on Grobiņa Street. "What would be here? The only thing exploding here is café prices and my hopes that the tram will ever run on schedule."

VDD does not comment on reports that the US and Israel have begun operations against Iran. "Our task is to protect Latvia," notes the service representative. "And we do it brilliantly — Liepāja is so peaceful that even the pigeons in Rose Square fall asleep."

As for global events, local experts are clear: "While Riga thinks it's the center of the world, we in Liepāja know that the real center is where there's good coffee and where you can see the sea. And that's definitely not Iran."