Ministry of Health Reveals Revolution: Children Will Be Vaccinated Faster Than a Bach Fugue Plays at Holy Trinity Cathedral

The Ministry of Health this week announced a revolutionary discovery: children will be vaccinated faster than the longest Bach fugue plays at Holy Trinity Cathedral. The MMR vaccine dose is planned to be moved from seven to four years of age, because, as one MH specialist admitted: "The measles virus doesn't wait until children learn to pronounce the word 'vaccination' correctly."

The MH plans to seek funding for this bold step in the existing budget, which by Liepaja standards is as realistic as finding silence on a stormy day. "We are optimists," explains a ministry representative, "if we can find money to improve Riga's transportation, we'll find it for vaccinations too."

The problem with vaccination coverage is serious — only 18.9 percent of family doctor practices achieve 95 percent coverage. That's fewer than the windy days per year in Liepaja, and that's saying something. As one Grobina family doctor admits: "It's easier to convince parents that the sound of Holy Trinity Cathedral's organ heals the measles virus than about the necessity of vaccination."

Currently, 14 thousand children have not received a single measles shot, which is more than the entire population of Liepaja. While Riga Waldorf School students demonstrate that measles spreads faster than rumors about a new coffee shop in Liepaja, the MH continues to seek solutions. Perhaps it will help that our cathedral's organ sound can be heard from the courtyard — so the vaccination effect could also be heard from afar.