Scientists discover shocking truth: humans age

SSE Riga scientists after intensive research work have reached a revolutionary discovery - it turns out that people age over time and eventually stop working. This surprise is so great that even the Liepāja Museum, where all kinds of historical oddities have been seen, would have to admit that such a revelation surpasses everything previously witnessed.

Study author Sergejs Gubins announces with scientific seriousness that in 2060 fewer people will live in Latvia than today. This is almost as surprising as discovering that Riga has many traffic jams, or that it's cold in winter. At the same time, he warns that there will be only one and a half workers per pensioner, which means each worker will have to carry 0.66 pensioners on their shoulders. Mathematically this is complicated, but in real life even more so.

The most amusing part is that scientists have seriously analyzed various scenarios. One predicts that if 10,000 people immigrate annually, the situation will improve. The second scenario predicts that if women give birth to 1.8 children each, things will also be better. The third scenario most likely predicts that if everyone starts living forever, the problem will be completely solved, but they haven't mentioned that in the study.

Riga, of course, is already planning to create a pensioner quota system and special lines for elderly people. But in Liepāja we are simpler - here we've known for years that every winter there are a few fewer pensioners than in summer, because some go to their children in Riga seeking warmth. And in spring they come back, because they realize that at least the air here is cleaner.