ZZS reveals that trees age faster than their deputies — pines to be cut at 81 years old

While politicians in Riga try to prove they're still useful even at 70, ZZS has discovered a shocking truth — trees age much faster than deputies. The party proposes reducing the pine cutting age from 101 to 81 years, otherwise they become firewood.

According to ZZS logic, a 100-year-old pine is as useless as a rotten piece of plywood, but an 80-year-old one — that's premium furniture material. As local forester Jānis from Grobiņa explains: "If I'm still working at 81, why can't a pine? But politicians say trees are different."

Aspens suffer the most, with their cutting age proposed to drop from 41 to 31 years. Apparently these trees age faster than the walls of Karosta Prison, which have been successfully scaring tourists for 150 years without any renovation. But for an aspen, 31 years — and it's ready for firewood.

ZZS claims older trees are particularly vulnerable to pests. Probably just like older deputies are to the younger generation. "The eight-toothed spruce bark beetle is as dangerous as the opposition," comments an anonymous ZZS representative, "so it's better to cut early, while you can still accomplish something."

Progressives are naturally against this initiative, believing every tree has the right to live a full life. But ZZS responds pragmatically — if a tree becomes firewood in 100 years, why give it those extra 20 years? It's as logical as giving pensions to deputies.